Zompires

Val says that a vampire attack would be preferable to a zombie attack. I say that Val is naive and is disconnected from reality. And yet she continues to argue her side.

The survivability of a zombie/vampire attack, in fact, has been the most talked about subject at L'Abri as of late. Let me tell you why.

Things that led to the zombie and subsequent vampire discussion at L'Abri:

1) I love zombie stuff. I love the movies, the books, the games, whatever. I don't know why. I just do.
2) Over the break I re-listened to an audiobook version of 'World War Z: The Oral History of the Zombie Wars' by Max Brooks. This book is an account of the Zombie Wars that nearly wiped out the human race in the early 21st century.
3) My tutorials each week with Greg get done at about 6:30 pm which means that I have to make the 15 minute walk back to Bellevue in the dark. This gives me ample time to contemplate how we at L'Abri would survive the inevitable zombie holocaust.
4) Also over the break, Jon listened to 'World War Z', and so became qualified and well-versed enough in zombie combat to offer educated insights into surviving the aforementioned zombie apocalypse.

So, one night when I got back to Bellevue from my tutorial with Greg I told Jon, Renea, and Val that I thought we had a pretty good chance of surviving a zombie attack if we were at L'Abri. I told them my plans and they were all impressed with my intimate knowledge of the habits of zombies. My plan hinged on the fact that by late January most of the zombies around Huemoz would be frozen solid. This would mean that we could go outside, kill the frozen zombies, handle any of the ones that were halfway frozen and at least slowed down by the cold, and then hunt for food and get fire wood. The winter would also allow us a chance to refortify Bellevue and build walled walkways to a couple of the chalets nearby. Of course, the residents would have already been evacuated to Bellevue, but we would go back there for clothes, books, anything we might be able to use.

Anyways, I don't have the time or energy to go into all the details of the plan, plus you don't really know the layout of Bellevue so none of it would make sense to you. Suffice it to say that if we stuck by my plan, we would have a good chance of survival here.

As I was explaining all of this to Val, Renea, and Jon, however, Val said that she would much rather be attacked by vampires than zombies, and that she thought that vampires would be way easier to survive than zombies. Obviously she's dead (or undead, ba dum pshh) wrong, but just for the heck of it, let's think about this.

Zombie attack: A zombie's main goal in death is to eat people. Not all the way usually, but at least a few chunks. Zombies don't move quickly because their brains aren't fully functioning. You kill a zombie by destroying the brain matter. This can be by shooting them in the head or by beating their head in. Unless you destroy their brain they can come back. Zombies don't think; they just go towards food and moan. This last part is important for our discussion. Zombies do not think. They may swarm towards food in groups of thousands or even millions, but they do not think.

Vampire attack: A vampire's main goal in death is to drink blood, turn other people into vampires, and live a lavish life. Some vampires may not want to fight a war against humans, but some do, and those are the ones that we worry about. Vampires can move very quickly and have superhuman strength. Some may be able to turn into bats, but that may just be superstition. Also, they may or may not be able to seduce you in your dreams into doing what they want you to do. Vampires can kill people, make them into human blood banks by enslaving them and just taking a little bit of blood at a time, or turn you into a vampire by taking all of your blood. Vampires can be warded off, some say, by garlic (this may just be superstition), crosses, and holy water, but the only things that kill them are sunlight or a wooden stake in the heart. Some people say that vampires can only come into your house if you invite them in. This may be true, but it is unimportant if they can seduce you in your dreams into letting them in your house. Unlike zombies, vampires can think and have tactics when they fight people. Not only do they have tactics, their tactics are sophisticated and have been forged over many centuries of undeadness.

So, which would you rather fight?

Zombies of course. Yes, an army of the undead would be frightening, but when you start to fight back all you have to do is move methodically. There will never be a 'boss-level' zombie. They will never adjust their tactics. They come to you and you kill them. All you need is enough ammo. Vampires on the other hand are cunning and fast and strong. They can take a break and make you think you've won the war and then come back and launch a surprise attack. There's just no telling what they'll do.

In conlusion, I give you two pictures. Which one would you rather fight? If you say vampire, you are wrong.






















In other news, things are moving along here at L'Abri. We've got less than a month left. I've finally finished reading 'Interpreting God and the Postmodern Self', and I must say that even though it took me a month-and-a-half to read it was well worth it. I hate writing book reviews/summaries so even though I should qualify that last statement, I won't. I also just finished reading a book called 'Still Life with Woodpecker' by Tom Robbins which was okay. It's a novel. Fiction. Tom Robbins did a lot of drugs I think and this story was the result of that. Let me write for you the book description from the back cover so I don't have to describe the book myself:

"'Still Life with Woodpecker' is sort of a love story that takes place inside a pack of Camel cigarettes. It reveals the purpose of the moon, explains the difference between criminals and outlaws, examines the conflict between social activisim and romantic individualism, and paints a portrait of contemporary society that includes powerful Arabs, exiled royalty and pregnant cheerleaders. It also deals with the problem of redheads."

After reading it, I can say that the book successfully fulfilled that description.

What else, what else? Oh yeah, there's a girl here from Columbia. Her name is Sarah Goddard and she grew up in Chapin and went to College of Charleston but now she lives in Columbia. Her dad is Hule Goddard and he teaches at CIU. She works at Yo Burrito and she's cool. Maybe some of you know her.

The end.