Cuz beards are tough!

Hey guys. So, ever since I've been back from Switzerland I've been abstaining from cutting off any of the hair on my face. I haven't been shaving. I think I shaved one time before I went up to Delaware for the family reunion, but that was mainly because we had to have a bunch of portraits done. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure I shaved before that. At any rate, I'm not shaving now and here's the proof, a beautiful picture of me doing my best model face:

So as you can see, I haven't shaved for awhile. I know, I know. Most people would look at this picture and think that I just hadn't shaved this week. I'm used to comments like that so it doesn't bother me. For those of us who are facial-hair deficient, those comments come as no surprise. In fact, I have not shaved for almost three weeks.

Many people, including my mom on several occasions, have asked if I'm trying to grow out a beard or, even worse, a mustache. They all seem bewildered when my response is, "No, I'm not trying to grow a beard or anything. I'm just not shaving for as long as I can take it." By their logic, "not shaving" and "growing a beard" are the same exact thing. Until sometime yesterday, I had no response to their objections except to say that it's just not the same thing. Yesterday, however, I came up with an analogy that I think explains my position in this matter.

Let's say that you buy a house--or, better yet, inherit a house--and on the grounds of the property there is a small garden. Understanding that flower gardens are all the rage nowadays, you decided to try to grow something. Unfortunately for you, the soil won't sustain anything except for weeds. Anytime you try to grow flowers, nothing happens at all. So one day you decide just to let the weeds grow and grow and grow because what else are you going to do with the tiny spot in the yard very clearly designated as a garden? So you start to let the weeds grow, and slowly but surely they begin to sprout in tiny patches all over the small plot of soil.

One day a friend stops by for some tea. As you meander around the grounds of your inherited home, he asks you about your garden: "Oh," he says, "are you trying to grow some flowers?" "Of course not," you reply courteously. "I can't grow flowers in that soil so I'm just going to see what it looks like if I let it grow over with weeds. Who knows, maybe I'll get something presentable after awhile." "But you do understand that weeds are ugly don't you?" he presses. "Yes, yes, I know that weeds are ugly, but what if, after months and months of growing weeds, my garden starts to look, well, kind of cool?" "But weeds don't look cool. They're weeds!" "Listen, I know they're weeds, okay? I'm just saying that maybe, just maybe, once I let the weeds grow a little bit taller and fill out a little bit more, my plot of weeds might add a little street cred to my otherwise unassuming house here." "But don't you know that . . . " And then you punch the guy in the face because that's what guys with gardens of weeds do to people that keep questioning. Guys with gardens of weeds punch people all the time because they are so hardcore. You don't even know.
Anyway, that's what I'm going for here.

After letting my face-hair grow for awhile, however, I have noticed some problem areas. I'll now outline the main problem so that you can keep it in your prayers:

The problem is an obvious one. I have almost a complete lack of hair coverage in the quadrants of my face tangent to the bottom of the corners of my mouth. This represents a major difficulty for two reasons. One, this is an area of my face that must have full coverage to achieve that Perfect Storm/Deadliest Catch kind of ice fisherman beard of which I would love to be an owner. Unlike less important areas of the facial hair grid, such as the underside of my jaw line, I simply do not feel that I will be able to have successful facial hair without the cooperation of these crucial areas. The second reason that the lack of hair in these areas results in an impediment to a notable array of whiskers is that in the absence of hair in those sectors of my face, I am left looking like I'm trying to grow out a white-trash facial hair pattern. For those of you unfamiliar with the facial-hair habits of white trash, I invite you to watch the movie Joe Dirt. Here's a picture of exactly what I'm talking about:

This is absolutely not what I want to look like. Ever. In my life. Unfortunately, if the areas of my face that have sprouted hair continue to fill in with no new growth then this is exactly what I'm heading for. Don't worry friends, I'll shave before it gets to this point. I will not be the entertainment for kids with disposable cameras having competitions to see how many people with a trash-stache they can find. No sir. Not I.

So in conclusion, I'll be going for at least another week without shaving, in the hopes that at some point, I'll look awesome.

In other news, Kate and Marcus came down this weekend and I completely forgot to take pictures. So you'll just have to take me at my word when I tell you that it was awesome and fun.

Good bye.